Sister Maryam remembers five years ago when her brother came to her after her wedding and told her about something he had heard at her Nikaah. One of the guests was overheard telling another guest, “How could her father allow her to marry that man.” That man was her husband and he was an Egyptian while Sister Maryam is from Cape Town, South Africa and she is of an Indian heritage.
South Africa is a melting pot of different cultures. It has always been this way, since the Dutch and English brought slaves here in 1652 from Java, Malaysia, Indonesia and India. Due to the apartheid policies, people lived within their own communities and mostly married from their own culture. Since our reintroduction into the world when we held our first inclusive elections in 1994, we have seen an influx of foreigners from all over Africa, Middle-East and the Indian Sub-Continent.
Many came as refugees seeking new opportunities and eventually integrated into the society through marriage. These cross-cultural marriages are still met with some trepidation in our Muslim communities.
Cross-cultural marriages should be seen as a blessing in our communities.
Maryam and Laura Pistorius are two South African women who have been married to men who belong to different cultures. They relate their stories.
Maryam (31) from Cape Town, is married to an Egyptian brother. They have however made Cape Town their home base. The couple has been married for seven years and have two children.
Maryam said the family member who questioned her father’s reasoning did not realize that her father went out and investigated her husband when he came to propose in the same way he would have done if any South African man came to propose.
It was never her intention to marry outside of her culture; it was just something that happened as she came from a family where strong Islamic ideals superseded culture.
Like any other marriage at the beginning, Maryam found that communication was the hardest challenge especially, since her husband was not well versed in English and she didn’t speak Arabic.This caused quite a bit of misunderstandings but things are much better now as she leant Arabic from him, and he has learnt English.
She was welcomed with open arms by her husband’s family, accepted for who she was and they did not impose any of their cultures or traditions on her.
She says,
“There are some traditions that we take from my husband’s culture like kissing of an elder’s hand when greeting them.”
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