There's a difference, I think, between recognizing the value in one's life - or liking life - and valuing and/or liking oneself. I like life, but I don't know that I like my life. I like myself. I don't like many of the decisions I've made in life. But I like me. I don't think people kill themselves because they don't like themselves. I don't think it's because they don't like life. I think it's because they don't like their particular arrangement, or can't handle the stress or weight or disappointment they face in life. Death is seen as an escape. I can understand that.
But enough of that. I'm not planning to kill myself. Yes, I've been depressed lately. The demon has been working overtime. I know my blog has reflected this mood as of late. I am grateful to all of you - fellow bloggers and/or dedicated readers - for all the encouragement and insight you've given me. I genuinely believe that I am in good company, surrounded in the blogosphere by women and men who are much better writers than I could hope to be. I smile when I think that some of the best content on my blog can be found in the comments section. I have benefited the most - and learned the most - by being a blogger.
I'm neither fishing for compliments nor engaging in trite self-deprication. These are my genuine thoughts. I am truly appreciative of you all. I'm even grateful for the occasional troll, because at least I get a laugh, and am reminded that, for all my flaws, I could always be worse.
Blogging has changed my life. I mean that. I started blogging as a wanderer in cyberspace, looking for truth... looking to find myself. Now, almost four years later, I have both discovered myself and realized that my journey of one has just begun. I am still the wanderer, still the seeker of veritas and aequitas. And while my wandering has taken me away from blogging with my previous regularity, I'm not going anywhere. This blog will remain. I'll still be around, writing when I can, and still learning from all of you.
I don't like a lot of things in my life, but I like life. And there are a lot of things in life that I actually do like. The demon can fuck off. I'm not done living yet.
