I saw this picture on Facebook this morning, on the Anti-Theists. Pro active Atheist. Opposing Religious Harm. page. I've seen this particular message a lot lately - enough to make me want to say something in response (trigger warning: rape, assault):
The message boils down to: instead of teaching women how to not get raped, teach men to not rape. This statement is not only problematic, but potentially dangerous for women. Before I go any further, I want to state for the record that I am all for education. I think men (in particular, although I realize that men also get raped, and trans people tend to get left out of the conversation entirely, so I should note that this isn't a gender-exclusive topic) should be educated and made aware of the concerns women have. To offer an example...
If a man and woman are on a date and things start to get intimate, and then she says "stop" or "I don't want to go any further yet" or she says anything that can be interpreted as No, then the man should realize that further advances in an attempt to "change her mind" or "turn her on" are not merely bad form, but an act of complete disregard for the woman's dignity, humanity, and value as a person. Doesn't matter how turned on the man is, or how hot and heavy things got prior to her decision to stop. People should learn to respect another person's decision, and any sexual conduct should always be consensual. A rape victim is never "asking for it," and a victim is never to blame for being raped. People should be respected regardless of their gender, or how attractive one finds them to be. Lessons such as this should definitely be taught.
Personally, I can't stand when people use the word "rape" to mean anything other than actual rape. Like when someone says, "I got totally raped by that dude when we played Halo!" I think people should be more careful with the language they use, especially when dealing with a subject as sensitive as this one (I feel the same way about how people use the words "retard" and "gay," but that's another topic for another day).
That said, the danger with the message in the picture above is that it ignores the fact that some people cannot or will not be educated. Many who are rapists or potential rapists won't listen to someone give a lesson on how they should "not rape." Most people who would listen to such a message wouldn't rape someone else anyway. Proper education, the kind of information and awareness that I mentioned above, can help some people realize and remember where the proper boundaries are, but, as one woman posted on Facebook in response to this picture, "It's the world we live in, you can't expect people change if you tell them 'don't rape'. We have to protect ourselves because it's the only way. You'll always have sick bastards and they don't just go away."
Another person posted these thoughts in response to the picture: "You shouldn't have to need to use any form of self defense...they just shouldn't be attacking you in the first place. The problem lies with them." She's correct, but the problem is that, while a person shouldn't have to worry about defending oneself, the reality is that people actually do have to worry about defending themselves. The problem isn't going to go away by simply saying, "you shouldn't have to protect yourself." Yes, rapists should know better than to rape. Murderers should know better than to murder. Thieves should know better than to steal. Drunk drivers should know better than to drive drunk. Does this mean we shouldn't lock our doors, drive carefully, and take all the necessary precautions to keep ourselves and our families safe?
At the risk of sounding over-simplistic, there will always be bad people out there, and we need to be prepared to protect ourselves in the event that one of these bad people tries to harm us or someone we love.
The same person who posted the "you shouldn't have to need to defend yourself" comment posted another comment, in response to other people who were all part of the huge discussion this picture started. She wrote: "Yes, I know, no rapist is going to listen to a 'don't rape' class and yes, we all need to know how to defend ourselves and how best to avoid being attacked. Though really....I will wear what I want, go where I want, do what I want as long as my actions harm no others and still the problem lies with those that want to attack. Not me or anyone else at risk of potential harm." At least she gets the basic premise that, while we "shouldn't have to" defend ourselves, we currently have to defend ourselves. And while rape is always the rapists' fault, that doesn't mean women should ignore the need to be prepared in the event of an assault.
I understand, though, that some people who advocate the "teach men to not rape rather than teaching women to not get raped" idea are pointing to a larger, systemic problem in our society. We live in a society where pasty-faced old guys can stand in front of a microphone and spout all kinds of nonsense about what rape is and what it isn't, what makes rape "legitimate" or not, and there are still millions of people in my country who either didn't notice or (worse) actually condone what these morons have said. Meanwhile, women are suffering, and if these clowns get their way, they will only end up suffering more. But who cares, right? Opposing abortion and keeping the gays down are WAY more important than caring for women, right?
The larger problem in our society is that we don't have our heads in the right place when it comes to rape. Victims are still treated as dirty, or looked upon like they did something wrong. This goes well beyond slut shaming, to the point in which a woman who is raped is blamed for having her skirt too short or for letting the guy buy her that drink. And I won't even get into how muddy the water gets when legal action is taken against a rapist. A lot of things in society need to change. Society is a collection of individuals connected by geography and mutual interests, so the change must begin with each individual.
Overall, I love the Who Needs Feminism? movement, and I think it's a force for good, even if the occasional message is less than beneficial. Projects like this one are helping us become more educated as individuals. That's the only way change is going to happen.
— Dead-Logic
