My birthday was this past Thursday, February 3. Turning 36 means I crossed the threshold that puts me closer to 40 than to 30. I'm okay with that. The older I get, the deeper my reservoir of knowledge and experiences gets. This gives me a perspective on life that I simply couldn't have had in my 20s. Part of that is due to the years, but most of it is due to the mileage. The School of Hard Knocks is my alma mater; experience my wisest and most demanding tutor. I'm not saying I'm wise; I'm just saying that I'm getting less dumb as time goes on.
I don't know what "mid-thirties" is supposed to feel like, but I'm guessing whatever that is, I don't feel it. I have a high energy level and a youthful demeanor. People usually guess my age around 26-29. Most don't think I look old enough to be in my mid-thirties, and they're always surprised to hear I have a son who's a teenager. I consider myself fortunate for my health (in spite of my recent medical issues, which so far have not been deemed catastrophic) and all the benefits I have had in life. Even though I had to hit the reset button on my life after my divorce in 2005, I am thankful that I have been able to overcome obstacles, and even though many more obstacles await me, I am confident that I will overcome them as well.
I am enjoying my 30s much more than I enjoyed life in my 20s. I suspect, barring calamity, that I will enjoy my 40s even more - but I'm still approximately 1460 days away from the Big Four-Oh, so I'll keep my focus on the present. If I have learned anything, it's that I realize the path is the goal; that is, the journey toward achieving our goals, hopes and dreams in life is as important as - if not more so than - the goal itself.
Kaylee: So, um, how come you don't care where you're going?
Shepherd Book: 'Cause how you get there is the worthier part.
We get so wrapped up in pursuing goals, meeting deadlines, keeping schedules and moving as quickly as we can that we often miss all the wonderous things found between Starting Point A and Destination B. And let's be honest: sometimes we don't reach our goals. When this happens, many people consider their efforts and investment of time and resources toward achieving this goal a waste. But was it? I think a person can benefit greatly from reflecting on the experiences of the journey, even if the destination was not reached or the project not completed. The path itself can be the worthier part - but one must allow it to be.
That said, I must make the point that I'm not an evangelist for atheism. I am a spokesperson for truth-seeking. I promote the path. While I have been candid about my own journey toward atheism, I don't write to promote atheism. I write to promote critical thinking, logic, science, and the desire to understand reality. I write to encourage people to put aside wishful thinking, faith-based reasoning and preconceived notions about god and the universe. I write as one on a pilgrimage - a holy quest, if anything could rightly be called holy - toward truth.
I write to encourage all who read my words to join me in the pursuit, regardless of where one happens to find oneself on her own journey. Christian, Muslim, Jew, atheist, agnostic, et cetera - the journey begins wherever you are. Perhaps we won't answer all the big questions of life, the universe, and everything before we reach the end of this life, but we will be better for having made the trip.
So I look forward to another year of life, along with all the hardships, joys, successes and failures that go with it. I look forward to another year of walking the path, curious to see where it takes me.
Dead-Logic.com
