... is because "Life is pain" is true. Life is the process of moving from one struggle to the next, one problem to the next, one pain to the next. Life is a series of changes: some good, some not so good. Any change - even a positive change - comes with a sense of loss, even if it is only a loss of the familiar. Facing new chapters in one's life always comes with a certain level of stress and at least a minuscule desire to "return to Egypt." All change is loss, and all loss is mourned.
I know people who have had a much more difficult life than me. But I have had a harder life than many. I have suffered from chronic pain since my accident in college. I don't know what a day with no pain is like. I have dealt with mental and emotional pain as well. I know what dwelling in the depths of clinical depression feels like. I recall the feelings of hopelessness and despair, when life seemed like more than I could bear and I could find no escape or release. I contemplated suicide in those moments. I have known failure. I have lost loved ones. I have experienced rejection. I have felt injustice. There were times when I was a man with no rudder and no compass, lacking a sense of purpose or direction.
Most of my life has felt like "one step forward, two steps back." My life has been defined by my pain. Much of it has been due to my own poor decisions, moments of foolishness or lack of character and moral fiber; the rest of it has been thrust upon me via circumstances over which I have no control. But that's life. Life is hard. Life knocks a person down. Life sucks.
I once held a hope that my life would get better, that the pain would decrease one day, and the problems would be fewer and less difficult. I no longer have such a hope. Life isn't going to get any easier. The problems I have now will pass, only to be replaced by new pain and new problems. A struggle will always remain. I've learned to own my pain, accept it and stare it down rather than try to escape it. Life isn't going to get better, but I will.
Yeah, life sucks; but that doesn't mean we can't make the best of it and find a level of happiness and contentment. The only response I understand is to fight, to rebel, to rage against the absurdity of living in an indifferent universe that seems entirely unconcerned about my existence: to get hit in the face and look back laughing as I bleed. This is my pain. It belongs to me. I own it. I will stand and take it. No whining, no complaining, no regrets. I will continue to love, to laugh, to cherish the fleeting moments with my family and friends. I will continue to work towards my goals. When it's all over - when this life comes to an end - if there's a heaven waiting for our spirits when we die, even better. If not, that's okay too. Existence is exhausting anyway.
Dead-Logic.com
In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of ev'ry glove that layed him down
Or cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving"
But the fighter still remains
- Simon & Garfunkel, "The Boxer"
The Reason "Life is Pain" is Cliché...
The Reason "Life is Pain" is Cliché...
Posted by , Published at 6:21 PM and have
